It’s November. The time of year when pumpkins get replaced with turkeys, and inboxes fill with reminders about the power of gratitude. We’re told it boosts our mood. That it’s a scientifically backed intervention for depression and anxiety. That keeping a gratitude journal can help us sleep better, think more clearly, even live longer.

All of that is true.

And yet, for many of us — myself included — the idea of pausing every day to jot down three things we’re grateful for can feel… a bit out of reach. It’s not because I’m not grateful. I am. I love my work. I adore my three cats. I feel a deep sense of appreciation for my community, my friendships, the small joys that dot my days.

But I’m also tired. Grieving. A little overwhelmed. And sometimes, staring at a blank gratitude journal feels like one more thing I’m supposed to feel, when what I’m actually feeling is… complicated. So this week, I want to talk about gratitude. Not the Pinterest version. Not the “just look on the bright side” kind. But the kind of gratitude that coexists with heartbreak. That lives inside of hardship. That doesn’t ignore the pain — and still dares to name the beauty.

Why Gratitude Is So Hard Right Now

There’s a phrase I come back to often: “Gratitude is a portal, not a prescription.” We don’t practice gratitude to fix our feelings. We practice it to stay connected to the full texture of life — especially when things feel raw, heavy, or uncertain.

And right now, things are heavy. Globally, politically, personally. The news cycle is relentless. So many of us are walking through grief, burnout, uncertainty, and exhaustion. Even the smallest acts of kindness or presence can feel monumental — or, at times, impossible.

Last week’s blog was about recognizing awe and wonder – noticing the small things that take our breath away. And this week, as I sit with the idea of gratitude, it feels like the natural next step. If recognizing awe and wonder is about slowing down and paying attention, gratitude is about explicitly being grateful for them. But let me be clear: gratitude is not a bypass. It’s not about denying reality or sugarcoating our suffering. It’s about learning to hold complexity.

It’s about saying:
“Yes, this is hard — and I can still name something good.”
“Yes, I’m grieving — and I just noticed the way the light poured through my window.”
“Yes, I feel disconnected — and I’m grateful for the friend who checked in.”

It’s about remembering that we are allowed to name both the pain and the beauty. That our nervous systems are wired for survival, and for awe.

What the Research Says

There’s a growing body of science showing the benefits of practicing gratitude — not just on our emotions, but on our brains, our bodies, even our immune systems. Studies show that people who regularly engage in gratitude practices tend to:

• Sleep better and longer
• Have lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol
• Experience increased heart rate variability (a marker of nervous system flexibility)
• Build stronger social connections and increased feelings of empathy

And here’s something I found fascinating: a 2016 study from Indiana University found that even thinking about gratitude — without even expressing it outwardly — can lead to long-term brain changes. Participants who wrote gratitude letters (and didn’t even send them) showed increased activation in the medial prefrontal cortex, an area associated with decision-making and empathy, even three months later. So gratitude literally rewires our brains. It makes us more relational, more open, more resilient.

But here’s the nuance: none of these studies suggest that gratitude means ignoring hardship. In fact, most of them frame gratitude as a buffer, not a cure — a tool that helps us stay more regulated and connected as we move through difficult circumstances.

Gratitude That Doesn’t Guilt-Trip

Sometimes, the messaging around gratitude can feel a little… weaponized.

“Just be grateful you have a job.”
“At least you’re healthy.”
“Other people have it worse.”

These aren’t gratitude practices. They’re gratitude guilt trips — subtle ways of telling ourselves (or others) that our pain is invalid, or that we should suppress what we’re going through because someone else has it harder. But true gratitude isn’t comparative. It’s not about minimizing our own suffering.

It’s about looking around, even in the middle of the mess, and saying:
“Here’s one thing I can still hold onto.”
“Here’s one thing that’s still true.”
“Here’s one thing that nourishes me, even now.”

Sometimes, that “one thing” is big and beautiful. Other times, it’s deeply ordinary.

What I’m Grateful for Right Now (Even Though Life Feels Heavy)

Here’s what’s been true for me lately: some of the most profound moments of gratitude have arrived when I least expected them. In last week’s blog, I mentioned that a few weeks ago, I traveled to New York for my brother’s memorial service. It was an incredibly emotional trip — full of grief, memory, and the weight of saying goodbye. And yet, in the middle of all that pain… I found awe.

At the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I stood in front of one of my favorite Impressionist paintings — and cried. Not because I was sad (though I was), but because something about the brushstrokes, the color, the stillness… reminded me what it means to be human.

The next day, we walked through Central Park. It was Halloween evening, and the leaves were turning gold and crimson, the air smelled like woodsmoke, and we stumbled onto a picture-perfect street on the Upper West Side — glowing pumpkins on every stoop, children laughing, the whole scene lit up in autumn light.

And I remember thinking: this is life, too.

Even in grief. Even in uncertainty. Beauty is still here. I felt it again when I got home. In the way my cats curled up next to me as I worked. In the sound of coffee pouring into my favorite mug. In the quiet rhythm of sunset on a Tuesday evening. Gratitude doesn’t mean my grief is gone. It just means I’m still connected to the parts of life that are holding me through it.

Small Practices That Have Helped Me

If you’re struggling to practice gratitude in a world that feels chaotic — I get it. Here are a few gentle practices that don’t require a journal or a morning routine (though those are lovely, too).

🌟 1. Gratitude by Sensory Anchor

Pick one sense and try to find something to appreciate using only that sense.

• What’s one sound I’m grateful for? (Birdsong, laughter, a favorite playlist)
• What’s one smell I love? (Coffee, rain, cinnamon, clean laundry)
• What’s one texture I find comforting? (A soft blanket, warm water, flannel pajamas)

This helps ground us in the present — in what’s real and available, right now.

🌟 2. “At Least One Thing” Check-In

When I feel like I’m spiraling — overwhelmed by everything I can’t control — I ask myself:

“What’s at least one thing I’m grateful for in this moment?”

Not five things. Not ten. Just one. It could be my breath. A warm hoodie. A text from a friend. A plant on my windowsill. The practice is in noticing. In making space for one small truth, even in the middle of many hard ones.

🌟 3. Sharing Gratitude Out Loud

When I’m with my husband, we’ve started sharing one thing we’re grateful for out loud — usually at the end of the day, sometimes mid-conversation, always casually. It’s not a ritual. It’s not a rule. It’s just something we do when we remember. And I’ve found that gratitude expressed — even in a whisper — has a different kind of power. If there’s someone in your life who makes things easier, kinder, or simply more bearable — tell them. Even briefly. Gratitude, when shared, creates a feedback loop of connection and warmth.

Gratitude and the Nervous System

This month’s blog arc is all about nervous system care — and gratitude plays a surprising role in that, too. When we feel genuinely grateful, our brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals: dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These are the same chemicals involved in bonding, pleasure, and mood regulation.

Gratitude also increases vagal tone, the measure of how effectively our vagus nerve (the key player in parasympathetic regulation) is functioning. In other words, practicing gratitude actually helps regulate our nervous system. It can expand our window of tolerance, helping us stay present when we might otherwise dissociate or become overwhelmed.

Next week’s blog — “Nature’s Nervous System: Forest Walks” — will explore this further. But for now, just know this: a single moment of gratitude, felt in your body, is a nervous system intervention.

Final Reflection: You Don’t Have to Be Grateful for Everything

You don’t have to be grateful for the loss.
You don’t have to be grateful for the injustice.
You don’t have to be grateful for what still hurts.

But you can still be grateful within it.

For what carried you.
For who showed up.
For what’s still possible.

Gratitude doesn’t require perfection. It just asks for presence. So this week, I invite you to find one moment of gratitude — one flash of beauty, connection, or softness — and let it count. Not as a performance. Not as a way to escape what’s hard. But as a way to remind yourself: you’re still here. And there is still something, however small, worth holding onto.

What I’m Loving This Week – Grounded Gratitude Edition

• Sound: My cat’s gift-giving meow-purr - Lately, the sound that’s brought me the most unexpected joy is this odd little meow-purr my cat makes when he brings me one of his toys from another room. It’s part announcement, part offering — like he’s saying, “Here, I brought you something.”
• Practice: 3 Things, Honestly. At the end of the day, I name just three things I’m grateful for — and I let them be real. Example: “The weird chirp of my cat. A tough conversation I didn’t avoid. The warmth of a cup of tea.” This is how I hold both gratitude and truth. No sugarcoating. Just noticing.
• Tool: The Five-Minute Journal App (or a simple notebook)
  Its gentle prompts offer just enough structure to guide my reflection — without forcing me to be cheerful. A helpful anchor when the world feels loud.
• Quote: “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
  — Eckhart Tolle
• Song: “Gratitude” – India.Arie - This song has been the background to my slower mornings. It’s gentle, honest, and reminds me that gratitude isn’t about pretending — it’s about choosing to notice what still holds me.

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