I woke up this morning and did what I’ve done most mornings for years: reached for my phone. But it wasn’t there. A few months ago, I stopped sleeping with my phone on the nightstand. I bought a simple alarm clock and moved my phone to the living room. It’s a tiny change, but it’s reshaped my mornings. Without the glow and the pings, I’m less likely to scroll before I’ve even said good morning to myself. I make my coffee, meditate, and take a breath before the day’s inputs begin.

I still love what my devices give me—music, podcasts, connection, easy access to work—but I’m noticing how often I’ve used them to fill space that didn’t need filling. Helpful, yes. Also draining. That tension—between “this helps” and “this depletes”—is the heart of this week’s practice.

The Pros and Cons of Being So Connected

In the span of about 20 years, our relationship to screens transformed from occasional check-ins to near-constant companionship. And we don’t just own devices—we live on them. Global analyses suggest adults now spend roughly 6 hours and 38 minutes online each day.

While screens can help us stay connected (such as during the pandemic) and increase access to services through telemedicine, there are also some drawbacks. Our constant connection to our phones can lead to attention fragmentation, overwhelm and emotional exhaustion. Our devices also have design nudges that feel a bit like we’re playing the slot machine without the hope of financial reward – hits of dopamine that keep us wanting more.

Why “Always On” Feels So Draining

Here’s why this idea of being so connected to our digital devices is intriguing to me as a psychologist who specializes in trauma. Our nervous systems aren’t built for a perpetual trickle of “urgent” inputs. Each ping can signal our body to orient—look, check, respond—creating micro-bursts of vigilance. Over a day, those micro-bursts add up to cognitive fatigue. If you’re exhausted at the end of the day, your connection to your devices could be to blame.

At night, devices add another layer. While there’s mixed evidence on blue light, I’m more interested in what it means to have my phone next to me all the time. It’s as though I can always be interrupted from my slumber in the blink of an eye. As a light sleeper and slightly anxious and sensitive person, this is a bit too much for me. With my phone charging in the living room, I fall asleep faster, sleep more deeply, and my mornings feel like mine again.

I won’t lie – sometimes I am worried that I “missed” something and feel a pull to check my phone as soon as I get up. Most of the time, I can acknowledge and resist that pull. When I do check my phone, usually I haven’t missed anything urgent.

“But I Don’t Want to Disappear.” The Fear of Missing Out (and Real Needs)

A digital reset doesn’t mean retreating from relationships, work, or the world. Many of us need to be reachable—for our teams, clients, kids, or aging parents. We’re not opting out of modern life; we’re choosing how to be in it.

Here’s the reframe: Reset doesn’t mean disconnection. It means designing clear channels and compassionate limits so connection is intentional, not constant. We can stay reachable for what matters most without being captive to everything else.

Try asking:

• What are my “must-respond” channels (and who gets them)?
• When am I most creative or grounded—and how can I protect that window daily?
• Where am I doomscrolling to numb rather than to nourish?

Strategies for a Kinder Digital Reset (Without Losing Touch)

These are gentle, repeatable steps—no moralizing, just experiments.

1. Anchor your bookends (morning & night).
   Keep the phone out of the bedroom. Use an alarm clock. In the morning, give yourself 10–30 minutes of “me before we”: make coffee, journal, or step outside before checking messages. In the evening, try a 30–60-minute phone curfew before lights out.
2. Create a “VIP lane” for true emergencies.
   Set iOS/Android Focus or Do Not Disturb with Allow List/Favorites for essential contacts. Everyone else can wait until your next check-in window.
3. Batch your communication.
   Choose 2–3 windows per day (e.g., 10:30, 2:30, 4:30) to process texts, email, and DMs. Close apps and tabs in between. You’ll reduce context-switching and protect deep work.
4. Turn off non-human notifications.
   Keep calls and texts on if needed. Mute everything else—especially badges. Consider grayscale mode to lower the compulsive draw.
5. Design your home screen for intention, not impulse.
   Keep only tools you actively use on page one (calendar, maps, camera). Bury the time-sinks in a folder on the last page. Add a widget with your week’s intention (“Begin with kindness” or “One screen-free hour daily.”)
6. Pick one “analog anchor.”
   Read a hardcover book (borrowed or purchased)—not on your phone. The tactile feel, the single task, and the absence of pings help rebuild your “deep focus” muscle.
7. Move your body when the scroll urge hits.
   When you reach for your phone out of habit, stand up, put a hand on your heart, and take three slow breaths.
8. Declutter your follows.
   Unfollow or mute accounts that spark comparison, rage, or hopelessness. Curate for nourishment (art, music, nature, educators you trust).
9. Try a mini-Sabbath.
   Choose a recurring window (say, Sunday 1–5 p.m.) for phone-in-drawer time.
10. Make tech serve your values.
    If connection is a core value, define how you’ll live it: “I call my sister on Tuesdays.” Structured connection beats endless consumption.

“Read on Paper” (Why it Helps)

E-readers can be great, but phones or iPads carry built-in friction: a swipe to a notification, a quick switch to a browser, a ping from someone else’s priorities. Paper lowers the odds of context-switching.

Small Strategies to Try This Week

Pick one or two—small and repeatable:

• Move the charger. Phone sleeps outside the bedroom; alarm clock on the nightstand.
• Two check-in windows. Noon and 4 p.m. for texts/DMs/email; close the apps outside those windows.
• Grayscale + badges off. Try it for 72 hours and notice the change.
• Paper book ritual. 10–20 minutes after lunch or before bed.
• Sunday mini-Sabbath. Four hours off-phone with a plan (walk, cook, nap, read).
• Unfollow 15. Curate your feed toward learning, joy, or awe.
• One “reach out.” Text or call one person you genuinely want to connect with.

What We Might Miss—and What We Gain

Will you miss a few memes, a breaking news alert, or a late-night Slack thread? Maybe. But you’ll also notice that the important things still find you—because you’ve designed channels for them.

What you gain: steadier mornings, fewer adrenaline spikes, more presence with the people in the room (including you), and the energy to do the work that matters.

If you’re worried about professional responsiveness, be transparent. Add “response windows” to your email signature or Slack status. Let collaborators know how to reach you urgently.

Join in by:

• Moving your phone to your kitchen, living room, or another space, just for a night to see what happens.
• Sharing how it felt—what worked, what you’d tweak next time.
• Downloading the Calm Calendar for gentle accountability and weekly prompts.

What I’m Loving This Week

• Sound: The sound of nothing while I sleep at night – no alerts, no calls, no emails, the occasional goofy cat (but I love that sound too).
• Practice: Reading a hardcover book that I can’t get away from every night before I go to sleep
• Tool: The humble alarm clock. Mine isn’t pretty, but it’s magic.
• Song: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve. Big, swelling strings for a walk without your phone—or with it tucked away, music only.

What’s Next

If you’ve been following along using our Calm Calendar, you’ll know that this is the final week of our “Root” Arc, which was focused on anchoring yourself in what’s steady and true. Next week, we will begin our “Flow” Arc, focusing on emotional expression, creativity, and connection. We have a lot of fun activities in store, so stay tuned!

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